Hillary! OIL SCOOPS, Start the Blog Presses, EB is back

Turds in a blanket, I'm back!

Back to doing what I arguably do best, covering American Politics with the zest of a lemon and the zeal of lemon.

Now you would probably think that coming back to the rough and tumble game of political coverage, it would take me a while to get back into the swing of things (expecially after the deeply spiritual sabatical I just took to work on me, and to also work on some passion projects) and catch up with the rest of the 24/7 Mega News community.

But, this crafty old, weasely old news dawg already got his first big honkin' scoop.

OIL!

Black gold that is, and Hillary is covered in it. dripping wid it. Hillary Clinton is hiding so much in OIL revenues its enough to make somebody blue in the face. And thats not it in terms of huge revelations this week...

The House Transitional Committee voted to back down on foriegn transport in the wake of startleing revelations about the Yemeni Consolute in Beirut. A diplomatic war of aggression has broken out in the fabled city of the fertile crescent and many analysts are heading for both the proverbial and literal hills. The high water mark came just four minutes ago (at the time of publication) when the High Sheik Daskani of Beirut's fabled Eastern Corridor led a march to the steps of the Yemeni Consulate and led out a shout that could be heard all throughout Lebanon Plaza.

Now where do I come in to this heaving, heaping mess. Well not only am I internationally well connected enough to know that someone on the otherside of the world shouts just four minutes later, I am uniquely qualified to deduce the connection between Ms. Clinton and the rabble being roused half a world away in the fertile crescent.

You see, if you follow the trail of oil, quite literally, might i add, from Hillary's sludgy feet, they might just lead you where you are looking...FUUUUCK. fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuck FUUUUUUUUCK. I just can't do it. I thought I could do it but I can't...

To paraphrase NFL great Brett Farve who retired a couple weeks ago, I just get tired. Tired of having the weight of the world on my shoulders and tired of everybody watching my next move to see what I'm going to do. It's too bad because I've got too much talent and repoire and too much to say, and the American Community NEEDS to hear what I have to say, but I just can't do it. There'll be other Bloggers Political Extrodinaire, outstanding men of character who are willing to say what they mean and have the means and the resources to say it, but for now, I think I desperately need to go back on sabatical.

I may be back someday. Maybe when the world needs an incicive political blogger most desperately, or maybe not then. I'm not making any promises though. For now I just feel like I just need to be me for me, you know what I mean? Please keep me in your secular prayers, readers, and I'll think about you too.

Final book idea before my radical sabatical is over

The idea is,


Slacky Mad Libs




here's a sample one

Tom and Jerry

Tom and Jerry are two crazy animals hell bent _____________ (preposition) tearing apart their owner________(possesive punctuaion)s house in order to get on each other's nerves or eat each other or something. This ends up creating all sorts of cartoon-like chaos. There's also a ________ (noun).

In one particular episode of "_________ (name of one of the two leads in Tom and Jerry) and Jerry" engage in an around the world no-holds barred race to the finish in order to win an amount of money. In the end some of the characters learn a lesson and some of them learn the hardest lesson of all because they die in the race. That character, I believe, was the old grandma and her tabby cat___________(punctuation)

Believe it or not, Tom and Jerry is telecasted daily at a certain time on The Cartoon Network. Check your local publications for more information.

A New Angle

o.k., it seems like nobody likes my revisit into fiction. i self published my first tome "Uninhabitable Bodies/Astrological Crimes" (which I so generously exerpted in yesterdays post) and opening day sales were modest at best. I recouped the publishing costs and made a couple of thousand dollars, but it ended up not even being worth my time, least of which to say my heart and soul which i poured into those sentences. so i decided to take things in a new direction. ever popular is self help spirituality genre of written work. here's an exerpt from the book I wrote this morning, which is being edited by Harry Mantoz and will be published by Scholastic in mid March.

5 Things I Want My Five Year Old Son to Ask God Before I Die

1. If my Dad goes to hell, is it my fault for making him so angry?
2. How hot is hell? Alright sorry, this is a line of questioning and not exactly one question, but is hell hot? if not what's so bad about it? if so, then, again, how hot is it?
3. If I die and go to heaven will Mommy and Dad love each other again when I get there? If Dad dies and goes to heaven will there be lots of sex in heaven? or will it be like so great there that Dad wouldn't even want to have sex because Dad will just forget about it amidst all the other fun things that will be happening that Dad hasn't even thought of yet.
4. Is abortion legal?
5. Can you make a __________ so ___________ that even you can't _________ it?

Fiction

I, or rather my various handlers, thought it would be a good idea to take a little time off from the grueling pace of covering the national presidential election of 2008. Some suggestions were made about what to do in the meantime while on sabatical, and everybody thought it would be best for me to take some time to pursue my original passion, fiction writing.
Back in 1978, I was studying creative fiction at the Albert Moses College for Fictional Writings at The University of Idaho, Lava Hot Springs Campus and that is when I starting writing my fiction masterwork. I got a little distracted with all my successes in recent decades, but I was happy to be able to take the last couple weeks to thrust myself back into the mode of storytelling. Here goes...

Uninhabitable Bodies/Astrological Crimes

Chapter 1.
Introductions All Around

Bertard was an astronaut. He knew all about buttons and switches and toggles and life and physics! Above all physics! Which isn't to say that he wasn't fit, because he was also very fit because of a rigorous fitness program required of him by his workplace and to some degree because of personal discpline. Theb what in the world was he doing wandering around a grody part of a horrible citty muttering to himself about trying to stop time and the nature of getting old and pennies falling out of his head and how best to visualize the physical representation of self imposed limits on the mind. He was there for drugs of course. But not just any drugs, there was this special drug that not even NASA could trace, nobody could do it!
The catch was that the drug was pretty hard to find cause the penalties were pretty steep if you got caught selling it. "God fuck this suck dick nipple twist," Bertrand thought to himself out load. "Did I saw that out load?" he then asked out loud? He had and he was really starting confusing himself. He needed that drug previously mentioned, which was, incidentally called "Drug Number Infiniti" and he needed it bad. Also incidentally and strangely at the same time, there was no street slang name for "Drug Number Infiniti," everybody pretty much always called it by its full name whenever they talked about it, but people tried to not talk about it that often so they wouldn't get into trouble.
Bertard thought he had bought it off an abandoned loading dock in this neighborhood one time. He sat down on the dock and leaned against a box.

Next time...
1. You find out more about what happens.
2. A surpirse character is introduced.
3. A surprise plot twist is revealed.
4. Lengthy descriptions of buildings and landscapes previously mentioned.